i was born into a middle class family, just normal? i guess? i mean i dont really remember my past cause my brain cant seem to keep them memories. well all i can remember is growing up as an unstable child who had a lot on her mind. when i mean unstable i actually mean 'problematic'. i was always in some sort of confusion, some sort of conflict mostly with friends i think? i dont really remember i think my brain likes to delete painful memories. anyways that was me until i left malaysia in 2012. i was 10 and i honestly didnt really know what was happening. i dont think i knew why we went until i was 14? 15? come on what does a 10 year old know. so i packed my stuff and got my official letter that i was dropping out of school and the next minute i was in the uk. i still remember the first day surprisingly. it was this premiere inn near the airport where it was like near this cemetry creepy af but a comfy premiere inn. yes so i moved to the uk. specifically immigrated to the uk. first day of primary school. i was quiet? i think lool dont know why but i was. was just starting to make friends and then i had a little kid romance hahahhah its so cringey but i went out with this guy and yeah that was that. there were some unnecessary conflicts which i still question till this day. i apologised for being such an obnoxious kid i guess and that was that. unnecessary arguments. i guess that was when things started to fall apart being an outside kid? it wasnt the people that made me question if i was in the right place it was the environment, the place i spent my developing stages.
if you didnt know growing up as a third culture kid means you were brought up in a place differently from your parents' homeland. i was that kid. i didnt know what it meant as first until my sister mentioned it. i slowly came to a realisation that i am a third culture kid. it wasnt hard at first but slowly puberty hits and all these things hits you at once and you are so overwhelmed cause youre not sure whether you fit in this culture or that culture. you dont know which culture to embrace as your own cause you are surrounded by so many cultures when you go around the globe.
as i was just about to adjust myself to my surrounding in england i was told that we were moving somewhere else. again, no idea where and why it was happening and why i was going as well. actually i did know but i wanted to reject the reality as always. so we went to oman. yes oman in the middle east. at first i didnt know where it was, so i just followed my mum naively. so i went and got into an international school. went into the middle of 9th grade (year 10) and finished high school until 10th grade (year 11). so then i was like okay so what now. college. where am i gonna go to college. i thought since i wanted to go back to the uk i was contemplating whether to apply for a college in london. in the end i didnt. so i decided to be back where i was born. malaysia. i just thought: lets finish college and get my diploma and for university ill just go wherever that accepts me. so i was accepted into the only college i applied for with all the subjects i wanted to do. being back here, i still dont feel that i fit in. i dont think i will feel like i fit in any soon honestly. i guess we'll see. lets see if i can survive the next year and a half in a new environment yet again.
lets do this song suggestion cause i have a lot so here we go.
1) Ruel's Painkiller- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTwj7PhpY9M
2) slchld's say what's on your mind- https://open.spotify.com/track/5sZOGj6SfzD7lWpwKhF6oE?si=ArI96v9IQh6tmR__HFgHlw
3) DAWN's 마지막- https://soundcloud.com/around_dawn94/live-hallprod-n-o-v-e-l
4) Zayvo's A Letter to My Cat- https://soundcloud.com/ham_zayvo/a-letter-to-my-cat
enjoy i guess. thenks ;)
Questions-
>How old are you? 17 in oct
>What's your name? afeefah
>Where do you live? everywhere
>Where are you from? malaysia
okay bai.
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